Helpful Quotes
IFS video. I love this way of working with our difficulties and pain. See more about IFS therapy from Dick
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DdZZ7sTX840
‘If you do not make time for your wellness you will be forced to make time for you illness’ Unknown source
‘Life is a journey not a destination.’ Unknown. If we are constantly putting our attention in the future we miss the present which is where we always already are and where our body lives. if we can notice where our thoughts are and see that they might be taking us our of the here and now we can learn to breath deeply and use our senses to re connect to the moment we are in and give it more of our attention others we can be wishing our lives away.
Growth is painful. Life is painful. But nothin g is as painful as staying stuck where you don’t belong. When I work with people they are often amazed how calming it is to simply share their thoughts, feelings, worries and fears. They say it is like having something lifted off their shoulders that has been there for so long they forgot it was there until it begins to slowly ‘lift’. This happens not by magic but by simple being seen and heard by another who knows the terrain in the areas that feel vulnerable and uncertain. It is attending to our unattended parts so we can feel back to being ‘ourselves’ and more connected, relaxed and whole.
You are not a drop in the ocean. You are the entire ocean, in a drop. Rumi
Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Write it on your heart
that every day is the best day in the year.
He is rich who owns the day, and no one owns the day
who allows it to be invaded with fret and anxiety.
Finish every day and be done with it.
You have done what you could.
Some blunders and absurdities, no doubt crept in.
Forget them as soon as you can, tomorrow is a new day;
begin it well and serenely, with too high a spirit
to be cumbered with your old nonsense.
This new day is too dear,
with its hopes and invitations,
to waste a moment on the yesterdays.”
‘ What doesn’t come to consciousness by choice comes as fate’ - Carl Jung
This is what I call a wake up call moment. We seem to be going along just doing what we do, but some part of us that we might not even be able to name or know, wants to be known. I have had clients with cancer say this is what it took for me to wake up and make important changes I needed. I would never have made them or even thought about making these changes unless my life was on the line. This can feel as if something comes along and hits us out of the blue: This can come in many forms:
It could be an affair. Couples can be like ostriches and bury or swallow down feelings of conflict, disappointment or dissatisfaction in their relationship as it seems easier. The problem though is if couples don’t talk about it, it’s not possible to make positive changes. Yet to talk about those difficult feelings is very scary and difficult and we might not know how to. Most of us weren’t taught to do that skilfully and these feelings make us feel vulnerable. Couples might avoid conflict or saying ‘Are you bored? I’m bored.’ ‘ I feel we are taking each other for granted’. ‘I’m feeling unhappy, are you?’ A skilled therapist can be a great support in exploring your difficulties with warmth and curiosity.
It could come as an illness. Maybe we have been working too hard and not looking after our bodies needs: eating well, hydrating, exercise and then the body says NO. Pain is the body telling us something important yet we may put things off due to fear.
Or we might lose our job. Maybe our creative needs are not being met. If we are not consciously aware of our inner world and not listening to ourselves something might come along and say. ‘WAKE UP’. You could be sleep walking.
‘ We make our plans and God laughs’ - Elderly nun
We all like to think we are in control but we do not know what is is going to happening next. Yes planning is a great skill but we can only plan so much. How the plan goes is not known. It’s good to notice how we respond when things don’t go as planned. What do we feel? How do we feel about what we feel?
‘As sleep restores the body, dreams restores the psyche’ - Marion Woodman
Marion teaches that when we sleep our dreams are not literal but metaphors for all aspects of ourselves. Each aspect of the dream is an aspect of ourselves. In dream work we can learn to talk from the different parts in the dream to discover what the dream might be telling us. This is also true if one was working in an IFS model of parts of us.
“This is your body, your greatest gift, pregnant with wisdom you do not hear, grief you thought was forgotten, and joy you have never known.” - Marion Woodman
In have worked with Marion for many years. She spoke of the deep wisdom of our own bodies. If we close our eyes we are already listening with our inner ear and inner eye. By breathing deeply and going inside we each can learn to hear this wisdom. In that listening we can learn to hear this wisdom that knows we are born lovable, that knows everything we are and what we are carrying. There is also a strength in our marrow from our ancestors that survived. We can get to know who we are. ‘If we don’t know our inner world we don’t know who we are’ This takes us down into the knowing beyond thinking. She would say ‘this rings my bells ’ for things that resonate or we would have the opposite sense if things do not. We each have these bells if we can take time to go inside in a tender way.
From Meditations before kaddish
1. When I die give what’s left of me away
to children and old men that wait to die.
And if you need to cry,
cry for your brother walking the street beside you.
And when you need me, put your arms around anyone
and give them what you need to give me.
I want to leave you something,
something better than words or sounds.
Look for me in the people I’ve known or loved,
and if you cannot give me away,
at least let me live in your eyes and not in your mind.
You can love me best by letting hands touch hands,
and by letting go of children that need to be free.
Love doesn’t die, people do.
So, when all that’s left of me is love,
give me away.